Doting Doda: How Becoming an Aunt Has Utterly Spoiled Me

When I was a little girl, I used to refer to my big sister, (pictured to the right holding a baby version of me) as Other Mother. Perhaps this was largely due to her strong leadership qualities (such a fine line between leading and dictating...) but my sister definitely always carried that maternal instinct within her. It led her to be not only a great big sister, but also a talented early childhood educator, a wonderful wife to my brother in law and, with G-d's help, now an amazing mother. But let's back up a bit...

As soon as I found out OFFICIALLY (some members of my family have loose lips) that my sister and brother in law were expecting, I decided once and for all that I would spoil this baby rotten. I was just dying to become a doting doda (Hebrew: Aunt) and I immediately began practicing my catchy one-liner: "When Mommy and Daddy say 'no,' you just ask Doda!" I instinctively predicted many things while my sister was pregnant. My family has a custom not to find out the sex of a baby prior to birth, but I was sure I was getting a nephew. We also have a custom not to discuss names prior to birth, but I was sure his name would be Benjamin. "What if it's a girl?" asked a best friend of mine when I told her this. "I don't care. I'm calling it Benjamin. And it's not, it's going to be a little boy." My maternal grandfather, Bernard, affectionately referred to as Ben, had passed away in the month of November last year, the same month he was born in. The baby was due right around the time of my grandfather's birthday and I just had a strong feeling about it.


That said, this baby began his life in this world already maintaining one of the finest qualities of both his parents: he was quite the over-achiever! He stuck around the womb for an extra 10 days! Now, I hate being late with a passion. I personally arrived into this world 6 weeks early and promptness is a quality I have tried to set a precedent for in my family. Nonetheless, my nephew Benjamin Harry was born on November 28 and from the moment he first held my finger, I was in complete awe. I also realized very quickly that I'd made a mistake. It was not me as an aunt who would dote on this little boy; it is quite the opposite. From the first time I held him, this special little boy has spoiled me rotten!

There is something very amazing about growing up with a big sister. You share secrets, you share stories, you share bad haircuts and some battle scars. You pretend about weddings, you play with dolls and you dream of the day you will be all grown up and filling the important roles of wife and mother. And then to see it happen is at once beautiful and surreal. Two of the happiest days of my life thus far have been watching my sister walk to the chuppah (marriage canopy) and seeing my sister become a mother.

This may all sound rather corny, and I assure you that although we shared some things, sharing in general was never our strong suit. In 1987 I shared the chicken pox with my sister, and I don't recall even once receiving a thank you or any sign of appreciation! That said, the fact that my sister shares her son with me is the most personal and special gift a sibling could ever ask for. I totally forgive her for not letting me borrow her clothes...

And now onto this special little boy. He is named for both of my late grandfathers, may their memories be for a blessing and their neshamas have an alliyah.  My grandfather, Ben, OBM, was a man of great generosity. He had a passion for giving in every way he could. My nephew so clearly maintains the essence of this character trait. He is giving with his smiles and his affection and I can see already he will grow to be generous in many ways. My grandfather, Harry, OBM, was a man of great chesed (loving-kindness). He had a heart of gold and lived to bring a smile to your face. My nephew, too, has the innate ability to bring smiles and warmth to everyone around him. He already has a sense of humor! Both of my late grandfathers were men of great honor, great intensity and great wisdom. Benjamin will surely grow to be a man of deep integrity and intellect. My nephew also has won the jackpot in the parent pool. He is surrounded by love, gentleness and some pretty powerful senses of humor. Benjamin will no doubt walk this world with confidence, kindness and the ability to laugh it off when all else fails.

The honorable Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis says the following regarding the raising of children in her book, The Committed Marriage:

"It's important that you cultivate a good eye--a positive attitude--and you can start by learning to sing... I'm not suggesting that you sing on stage, but that you sing in your heart and make your home a place of faith and song. Learn to do this for your own sake as well as for the sake of the children who will be born to you one day. You may wonder what this has to do with preparing for parenthood--but children are very sensitive...you never know what tomorrow will bring, but if you show them how you sing away your worries and anxieties, you will bestow upon them an inheritance that is priceless, by far more precious than gold." 

And now for a present just for Baby Benjamin, his new favorite lullaby from Doda! Because there's nothing more sleep-inducing than watching two grown women and two grown men in their pajamas singing and playing instruments...
(kol isha warning)