Choosing to Decide & Deciding to Choose

Have you noticed that there are a LOT of decisions to make? And I don't mean just the big ones either. Have you been down the oral hygiene aisle lately? Do I want fluoride in my toothpaste? Tarter control? Whiter teeth? Cavity protection? Gum treatment? Twelve hours of minty freshness?

And then there's the paper goods aisle? That's an utter nightmare! Do I want one ply or two? Now they have three, also! Ultra soft or ultra strong? With lotion? With aloe? With Vitamin E??Quilted, rippled, 1000 sheets...angels, puppies, teddy bears and smiling babies--it's all too much! It's option overload and in the end, you know what? It all goes down the drain one way or another! And with all these choices, which, might I add, we are fortunate to have, is it any surprise that when it comes to the bigger, more meaningful decisions in life that we stand in a stupor unable to move in one direction or another?


Now I think back to the mazes of my early childhood. It was so simple back then to find the part that said "start HERE," locate the "FINISH" sign up ahead and travel via crayon accordingly. Sure, it was scary to think of a page full of purple mishaps, but there really were only two options: move closer to completion or get stuck. Not like today. Now there are 623,954.7 options! We don't always progress in a linear fashion and for many of life's decisions, we don't even know what or where the "FINISH" sign is! There is a delicate balance between acting recklessly and not acting at all. There is a fine line between foolishness and cautiousness. When we are overly cautious, we are stagnant, and that is foolish.

Sometimes it's our own stagnancy that encourages us to make a move. We might grow uncomfortable enough with the current status quo to pursue something (or anything) outside of our "comfort zone." Sometimes it's a gentle nudge from a loving other to get off our tuchus and make a decision. Sometimes, still, it's the stagnancy of others. We see so clearly from the outside how uncomfortable someone else might be in what they deem their own "comfort zone." We see so objectively that this person is neither sinking nor swimming, that this person is barely even treading water. We genuinely want more for those we love and then we can look inward and see the stagnant puddles of muck that have built up on our own journey's path.

I am blessed to have many loving others I can look toward with admiration. I've friends and family who have shown incredible levels of courage and faith. They have taken great leaps and risks to pursue their paths with vigor and zeal. They make it look graceful, and perhaps, I do, too. I, too, have taken some pretty hefty leaps. I greet each morning with vigor and zeal; I close each night with courage and faith. It is because I have so very much that I strive for so much more. I really do want it all and why shouldn't I? For some time now I've felt I am on the cusp of something so very big. I am spiritually, emotionally and to some extent intellectually aware that I am on the threshold of my dream. It is as though I have arrived at the proverbial three doorways and there is the booming baritone voice of the game-show host bellowing, "And which will you choose? Door number one? Door number two? Or door number three?"

Do you open one door up a crack, just to see what's inside? Or maybe you barge on in, tossing caution to the wind. I am contemplative. I think, I talk, I explore and when the time feels right I ask the questions I do have. I am self-aware enough to realize when I just don't know. I am not inhibited at all in asking G-d for help and guidance. I have many mentors and ten times as many options. The tricky part is deciphering the exact moment at which I've passed the point of fruitful contemplation and entered into the realm of stagnant hesitance. Divine Providence has it that just as soon as I began to cross that threshold, the phone began to ring off the hook. Opportunity was on the other line in the form of conversations with strangers, conversations with friends and even conversations with family. Support, encouragement and inspiration comes in so many beautiful shades.

As I think more about this time of year, about the darkness inherent to the upcoming month of Kislev and about the joy and light of Chanukah, I cannot help but think of how this all relates. A spark needs proper kindling and a nurturing environment in which to flourish as a hardy and vibrant flame. The human spark needs love, connection, education, relationship... The time has come to stop asking"when" and start saying "now." It's no longer a matter of asking "where," but a matter of starting HERE. I will not be overcome by option overload. I will begin today by choosing to decide and deciding to choose!