Only Simchas! Lessons Learned from my Seventh 4th Birthday

 Many of life's most important lessons have come to me from the preschool classroom---either during my own preschool years or now as a teacher. My class had a sweet little celebration for me today in honor of my birthday. When asked how old they thought I was by another teacher, the most common responses I got were "maybe three or four." There were a few other guesses, like "16" and "11" and "25" and then one "29," but we won't talk about that one! 
At 28 (shh, don't tell them!!!) there are certain things I've learned having been four-years-old seven times now...

I'm still young enough to think that two "Ps" are hilarious when placed adjacently...

I'm old enough to light candles all by myself...

I'm too old to light said candles and not set off the smoke alarms in my apartment!

All beverages, including alcoholic ones, taste best in a birthday cup daintily sipped through a silly straw.

Waiting until the day of your birthday in 2012 to open your presents Totally makes up for that stunt you pulled in December of 1993!

When others try to guess your age, NEVER let the answer offend you. If they low-ball it, it's your striking good looks. If they aim a bit high, it's your overwhelming maturity and intelligence!

But with age and experience come wisdom--the inherently beautiful ability to know that we must not take our time here for granted or waste a single moment. And therefore...

Don't futz around, eat dessert first!!!

But now on a more serious note...

I found myself reflecting this morning on what I expected life to be like by the time I reached this age. I must be honest; for a moment, I felt a pang of sadness, disappointment even. In my earlier twenties (28 is still early twenties, FYI--Late Twenties begins at 30 and continues indefinitely...) I concocted an idea of what I thought this age would look like and it looks different than that image. The details don't matter because everything is from G-d and everything is for the good, and that is exactly the point that encouraged me to realize how truly blessed I am. 

In reality, I am right. At 28-years-young today, my life is NOTHING like how I thought it would be and I am eternally grateful to G-d, to my supportive family and friends, to a vigilant medical team and  to the many mentors, inspirations, personal heroes and even complete strangers who've walked this path alongside me and with me. In reality, there was a time I was not expected to graduate high school, let alone obtain a college education. There was a time I was told I would never live, work, or exist functionally in society. There was a time I was told I would spend the rest of my life swallowing a cocktail of medications just to maintain a life free of pain and minimal control over my body. And, sadly, there was a time I believed that. 

But thank G-d, there also came a time at which I questioned it. There also came a time at which I longed for more. I opened my lips to speak and finally--in only my own words, and not anyone else's--the most genuine Truths came forth. From the time I was a very young child, it came in the form of music and song; this still accompanies me today. It came later in the form of prayer and faith in a G-d who could be and is in control when I could no longer support that burden. That trust and that closeness is the light which illuminates my path as a now observant Jew. No more would I place my trust in man alone for we are human and inherently imperfect. No more would "experts in their field" determine my future or define my past.

One can contemplate the verse found in Devarim (Deutoronomy) 30:15: "Look! I have placed before you life and goodness as well as death and evil...and you shall choose life!" It is beautiful, simple, and at the same time gloriously complex. For it's not a choice we make just once. We don't just 'see the Light' and continue gracefully forward. It's a much longer tunnel than that! There is most definitely a Light, and with G-d's help, the tunnel will be very long (ad 120!), but life and goodness are things we choose and create in each and every moment.

Faith is the momentum that keeps me going. Torah is the light by which I see the way. Twenty-eight is not at all what I expected. It's not at all what I planned. Thankfully, G-d has a sense of humor. I planned; He laughed. I walk a path of health, success, and answered prayers that is at once humbling, moving and well more than I deserve. I also walk a path of trust that He is with me and I have nothing to doubt or fear. G-d only knows what my life will look like one year from today and I am actually quite alright with that! I pray for the strength, health, and courage to pursue my rightful path with kindness, love and patience. And I pray for the clarity to see it realistically as it truly is: only simchas!